Surely,  I mean to say Pushing the (edge of) the Envelope.  It’s a fine idiom, useful and odd enough for a periodic injection into my repertoire, but not today.

Passing the Envelope – what’s that about? Sit down, relax, consider the following passing situations.

→For months, a co-worker’s family member has been sick and has a likelihood of dying in the near future.  Does anyone offer to do much?  Come over, make a meal, provide respite care, bring flowers to brighten the day?

Hardly.  We pass the envelope!  With family member going, going, gone, SOLD! to bidder NUMBER ONE,  lighten that pesky grief by passing the damn envelope, stuff money into it!

Why not just cough in my face – it the same kind of annoying.

→Hey, there’s an event coming up for my sister’s brother’s cousin-in-law, three times removed!  Pass the envelope!  What is wrong with me?  Do I really need to pitch in?  Will my money be noticed, mixed in with all the other money?  If I compose a clever ditty, would that better than money?  Does anyone remember anything that isn’t countable?  Ditties are countable, as in beats, per measure!  Good enough.

→The State of California magically passes an envelope when I visit a state park.  I imagine a park ranger, partially hidden behind an old growth redwood tree, with high powered binoculars, just itching to watch me drive in without passing a fin into the locked box. Seriously?  The boxes are perfect suggestion boxes, and Abe Lincoln could use some help these days.

Recently, an  OLD GROWTH redwood tree was cut down and hauled out of a nearby state park.  No one heard or saw anything. I now know the answer to the question, “If a tree falls in a forest, and no one is around to hear it fall, does it make a sound?”  I wonder who’s left holding this envelope.

→My letter carrier frequently passes a bright orange envelope into my mail box.  She’s asking for money, too!  Stamps from the convenience of my mailbox?  I’ve started a small collection of these envelopes, and in case I go blind, I’ve put some braille dots on them for future reference.  I don’t think the USPS likes me anymore. I’m not sensitive about it, though.  I’ll be standing in line over there soon, as there’s a comedian who works behind the counter, waiting for 15 years more for his retirement pension. I’ll bet he can come up with a lot of jokes in that time.  Maybe he’ll become another Craig Ferguson.

→Speaking of entertainment,  move up to the box office ticket booth. I get to leave my money outside of the envelope!  What a novel idea!  However, I get an envelope passed back to me, with a present inside.  What’s going to happen to all the little envelopes?  Good for used gum, loose coins, secret messages or an inspirational quote to stuff into the money envelope.  I know I’ll think of something.

→Those fancy envelopes passed over the counter when I buy a gift card?  I lose control – as if I had any to start with.  Buying a gift card forces me to pass the envelope and the envelopes seem to be as visually inviting as the gift cards.  I think I’ll keep the envelope for my paper artworks and throw the gift card like a skipping stone.  There’s an unparalleled gift card delivery. Hiya kid!  Go fetch!

Sheesh.  I remember the time my stepfather asked me if I wanted to play fifty-two pick-up. I said, “Yes.”  What a nice man.  😦

→For a week before my first award nomination here on WordPress, I intended to post a big NO AWARDS, PLEASE.  I stalled.  Maybe I was busy writing.   I appreciate folks who offer the awards, but I’d rather just mention you in my blog – saves envelopes and time. All you have to do is ask, I’m easy going.  Here’s the link to the one response I made to an award nomination.

→At the top of the envelope passing mountain of opportunities, is the cash envelope system of managing money.  The short explanation is to put your funds in little envelopes so you can see where the money is going.  Are you kidding me?  It’s going OUT! You can’t read a bank statement, or make a simple balance sheet?  Has the ATM card paralyzed your weak mathematical capabilities?  Add, subtract, simple as that!    Pass the envelope labeled “discretionary” and I’ll help you see something disappear.

I’ve been collecting and saving security envelopes.  On the inside are fabulous patterns and colors, and I’m planning an art project, using them exclusively.  Anyone have red or other less modern patterns hanging around? I’m trying to have a good attitude toward envelopes, so please pass one to me, if it’s unusual enough.

When we pass the envelope, we’re sharing an experience with other envelope passers.  Passing the envelope eases our consciences, soothes our thoughts, allows us to move away from the lingering powerlessness which caused us to take action and then pass the envelope to another.

Now passing the envelope.  Whew, what a relief.