Did someone say,”Hi, how are you,” to me? Seriously, no one ever asks me that question. Great job, thanks –
Yay! Target practice! I’m armed with a series of questions, sans time and space for interjection –
“Hi! How are you, Darylann?”
“Do you want the real answer, or are you asking a rhetorical question? Maybe you’d prefer I blurt out a four letter word and say ‘ef’ – I mean FINE. How am I? In what way do you want to know how I am? Wait – you don’t want to know how I am, so why the hell are you asking? Is that all you’ve got? Where’s your curiosity, mon? A three word sentence, wow, you are an intellectual giant! Are you kidding me? Go somewhere, will ya? And take your quaint, hollow courtesy with ya!”
A polite response, eh?
I’m a master eavesdropper, though, because I hear people ask other people how they are quite often. From what I’ve gleaned, replies to this quaint courtesy fall in to four main categories.
Category A Replies
“Hi, how are you?”
“Oh, I dunno, I think I was fine enough yesterday, not today though. Some little shit rang my doorbell and ran like hell last night. It was coal-black outside but I went after that little peckerhead anyway ‘n all I got were stickers in my naked feet and bird doo in what hair I got left and then when I woke up this morning, I couldn’t get the doo stuck off my pillow, so I peeled the pillow cover like a ripe banana and went outside with the thing tuggin’ on my last three hairs. That pesky dog was barking like it was the second coming, and that’s when I noticed a sign on my front lawn, right out there with Old Glory. Sign’s bigger’n your sister’s backside, come on over and see, I’ve got my pickup right here, hop in, so I can give the rest of the story…”
Dim never returns the courtesy. He doesn’t give a rat’s ass how you are. If Dim’s got your ear long enough, he’ll reach in and grab your gray matter and squeeze until you forget your manners.
Next up: Part III, Category B