Did someone say,”Hi, how are you,” to me?  Seriously, no one ever asks me that question. Great job, thanks –

Yay! Target practice! I’m armed with a series of questions, sans time and space for interjection –

“Hi! How are you, Darylann?”

“Do you want the real answer, or are you asking a rhetorical question?  Maybe you’d prefer I blurt out a four letter word and say ‘ef’ – I mean FINE.  How am I?  In what way do you want to know how I am?  Wait –  you don’t want to know how I am, so why the hell are you asking? Is that all you’ve got?  Where’s your curiosity, mon? A three word sentence, wow, you are an intellectual giant!  Are you kidding me?  Go somewhere, will ya? And take your quaint, hollow courtesy with ya!”

A polite response, eh?

I’m a master eavesdropper, though, because I hear people ask other people how they are quite often.  From what I’ve gleaned, replies to this quaint courtesy fall in to four main categories.

Category A Replies

Dim type

“Hi, how are you?”

“Oh, I dunno, I think I was fine enough yesterday, not today though. Some little shit rang my doorbell and ran like hell last night.  It was coal-black outside but I went after that little peckerhead anyway ‘n all I got were stickers in my naked feet and bird doo in what hair I got left and then when I woke up this morning, I couldn’t get the doo stuck off my pillow, so I peeled the pillow cover like a ripe banana and went outside with the thing tuggin’ on my last three hairs. That pesky dog was barking like it was the second coming, and that’s when I noticed a sign on my front lawn, right out there with Old Glory.  Sign’s bigger’n your sister’s backside, come on over and see, I’ve got my pickup right here, hop in, so I can give the rest of the story…”

Dim’s pickup truck

Dim’s place.

Dim never returns the courtesy.  He doesn’t give a rat’s ass how you are. If Dim’s got your ear long enough, he’ll reach in and grab your gray matter and squeeze until you forget your manners.

Next up: Part III, Category B