Things happen for a reason.  Really?  Are you kidding me? I read this in a blog post today, and I can’t stand idly by anymore – it’s time to straighten this cliche’ out.

I’m contemplating creating a chart for cliche’ lack of effectiveness and supposed quality. I have a swollen Pinterest board dedicated to visual and written cliches to assist me with the project.

Cliches seem to fall naturally into certain categories, according to the volume of usage, the acceptance in ordinary conversation, whether they’re gender specific, how old they are, or even the level of absurdity associated with a cliche’. I’ll pull out the gender card here, and save the rest for a future cliche’ expedition.

Things Happen For A Reason falls into the distended platitude category.  It’s a balloon, fully inflated, untied at the neck. The delivery person,  holds it with thumbs and forefingers and pulls to the sides – eeking out long little bits of high pitched annoyance.  What’s wrong with you?  Can’t you think of something real to say?  Is this your idea of a fluff response, when nothing else is available or you’re caught with your proverbial pants down?

Speaking of fluff, Things Happen For A Reason  belongs to the Females Only Club.  Anyone who thinks a regular guy would use this cliche’ is suffering from delusions. Dudes don’t say it. In a similar circumstance, a guy would say That Sucks or Better Luck Next Time, also cliches, but more ordinary, have no hidden meaning and really are quite dull. The receiver of these glorious comments would surely shut up.  And then, the That Sucks guy, gets to shut up, too. It’s a wonderful life.

Things Happen For A Reason reminds me that things don’t happen for a reason.  Does everything have to happen for a reason?  If I poke you in the eye with a sharp stick then the reason your eye is bleeding makes sense. It’s not nice, but the reason is clear, even if your vision isn’t. If your husband left you for another woman and he’s an ass anyway and you have no money for sockies for the kids because they wear them outside without shoes on and you’re tired and haven’t had a break in a week and you haven’t been able to get your nails done and you didn’t buy that knockoff designer purse and you missed the Chippendale’s last week  and your car has a flat and you’re flat too and need a boob job, well, really, do Things really Happen For A Reason?

Why do people (women) use this cliche’ only when the things referred to, are unpleasant or bad?  Hey, what if this happens –   I win the lottery or find a fortune, turn it in to the police and no one claims it, and 500 of my friends and relatives show up  and cheerfully tell me that Things Happen For A Reason?  I don’t have to say what things the 500 are thinking happen for a reason. Please.  I’m not as stupid as I look. Do I think Things Happen For A Reason?  If I did, then I’m more insane than  I ever thought I could be.

Throw a cliche’ my way and you get to pass go, collect $200.00, if what you’ve said before the cliche’ seems reasonably intelligent.  Throw a trite cliche’ like Things Happen For A Reason anywhere in my vicinity and I’m going to blast off into space, and I ain’t comin’ down.

What are things? I looked it up. The dictionary defines a thing as “some entity, object, or creature that is not or cannot be specifically designated or precisely described.”  How do you lump a  set of circumstances into a six letter word – things? And what reasons are you theorizing are the result of those vague, dim or imprecise things? I propose that due to the very nature of the word things –  reasons are illogical and improbable! Things Happen For A Reason.  I feel like a chunk of parmesan going through the cheese grater. Ouch, that really hurts.

P.S.  Please remember to vote.  People have made huge sacrifices so you have the opportunity to vote.  I even made the stars green, for go.  😀