I’m no big fan of twelve of anything.

What’s the big holdup at two more than ten, in the 12 step program? To recovery, and beyond! If a needful person repeats those four words, 12 times a day, for the rest of his or her life, I’ll speculate that an equal number of needfuls get identical results as with a 12 step program.  I especially like the “beyond” concept, though – there’s no reason to stop at 12…  Twenty-five’s my lucky number – if I had addiction issues, I’d be looking for 25 steps, or be forced to wash my brain 25 times a day, instead of 12. Equal opportunity numbers. Feeling better already?

No thanks, I’ll pass

How about the 12 stages to getting rich? Listen, the truth is, you need money to make money and if you have money, you don’t need any more of it. It would be great if you just let it fly out of your limo window, while heading to wherever you rich folks go to smoke, eat and sleep on your money.  The bright side is that if you DO make MORE money with your money, you can get a receipt by giving away some of your money and support 12 worthy causes, thus avoiding the tax implications of HAVING the money which leaves you with still more money!  😀  The days of starting a business with twelve dollars are long gone, unless you rich folk move over for 25 seconds.

For the money

Don’t forget about those dozen doughnuts, designed to put a dozen pounds on you, in twelve days or less.  Keep eating them and you’ll be having three quadruple by-pass surgeries in a heartbeat. The sight of these things makes me want to get out my coloring book…

Colorful!

Twelve steps to hiring a mover? When we moved north, we used these.  It took us awhile though, well over 12 steps, especially with the horses…

Useful for moving, in a quirky kind of way.

Twelve steps to natural gardening? That’s it?  I can’t figure the magic in the 12 step natural gardening thing – I suppose it’s just cutting out the twelve toxic chemicals commonly use on veggies or ornamental plants to control the 12 THOUSAND insects that come around for lunch.

12 rays of sunshine in the garden

Twelve steps to eating a raw diet? Oh, oh, this spells trouble…  If I took even a half-dozen steps to a raw diet, I’d be making twelve steps to the toilet every twelve minutes.  I don’t think this is a good idea for me.

Are you kidding me? HELP!

I’ve only heard of 12 steps to intimacy.  Twelve steps to intimacy?  Hmmm…  Seems simple enough, maybe it goes like this –

  1. Eye contact
  2. Brushing up against my target
  3. Striking up a conversation
  4. Having lunch or dinner together, with perfunctory conversation
  5. Going back to my place for wine and cheese
  6. Getting loaded
  7. Losing control of my wits
  8. Getting into something more comfortable
  9. Winding and twisting all over each other on the sofa
  10. Getting out of something more comfortable
  11. Making a run for the bedroom
  12. Your turn – you get to imagine the grand finale

Somehow, we just get there, without counting the steps.  The voyage up the stairway to heaven – great – the trip down, a little thought-provoking…

I’ve read that blog posts are a dime a dozen, but a dozen declarations doesn’t a diligent doer make.  😀

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