I’m a fairly easy going person, have an abundance of patience with people and can be the master of diplomacy when there’s a problem needing fixin’.  However, my limitations extend to a few things that instantly get under my skin. What happens when someone slaps a “you guys”  on me?   Well, now…

My husband dreads going out in public with me, knowing that at least one, otherwise thoughtful person will cross the “acceptable to my wife”  line and decidedly address us, as “you guys.”  The “you guys” comes out of the speaker’s mouth, looking like a pout and a smile, and sounding like a third grader who just got told he had cooties.   As soon as it registers in my brain,  I’m consumed by the drive to strike with a one-two punch smile coupled with an in-your-face remark.  I make a direct call to my classy composure and maintain decorum. So, instead of putting my two cents in, I allow a penny for my thoughts, and send a little something back to the source with a flourish –

“So, did you guys enjoy your meal?” the waiter asked.

  • “Ten-four, good buddy, us GUYS enjoyed it alright, especially this last part,” or maybe,
  • “Sure thing, about as much as you enjoyed asking us guys,” or even in my most pompous, high-end voice,
  • “What guys are you referring to, sir?”

I’m careful what I say when the alarm goes off – I’m thinking that coming back in my next life as a machete – not a positive experience for me or anyone else who comes in contact with me.

Who are these people, anyway?   Franky ‘The Weasel’ Napotano’s crew? You guyzzzz…zzzz…  or better, Yooozzz guyzzz.zzzz…zzzz. (head tipped sideways)   Hey, youse geyes, come ear. Ova he-aa..  (sic)  Relentless…

The following baker’s dozen contains random and commonly used, benign sounding coded sentences or questions which feature the same two bad words.  Here’s what people say, and what they mean –

  1. Come on in, you guys. ( you ill-mannered fools, you should have called first)
  2. Have a nice day, you guys. ( – get outta my face – you’re not moving fast enough – get going grandma)
  3. Is everything okay, you guys? (um, can you hurry? everything’s NOT okay with me…)
  4. Bye you guys! (finally, they’re leaving – took ’em long enough…)
  5. Have you guys seen my wallet? (I’m working on my scam here!)
  6. Do you guys have any plans for the weekend?  (you’re not bringing  your wife with you, are you?)
  7. What do YOU guys want?  (what DO you guys want, anyway)
  8. What’s wrong, you guys?  (boo hoo, put on your Underoos and suck it up, baby)
  9. I’ll see you guys in the morning.  (not if I get my eyes poked out with a stick, first, if I can work it in)
  10. Did you guys find everything you were looking for? (I have to say this or I’m fired)
  11. When did you guys win the lottery? (I could use some of your money, friend.)
  12. Did you guys hear that fart? (I can make music with my thang!)
  13. Are you guys bringing anything to the party?  ( I hope you’re bringing somethin’ cuz we ain’t)

Why do I so vehemently object to being referred to, in any capacity, as “you guys?”  Y’all just wouldn’t understand.  😀